Chapter 11. It does matter
Experience
Image: short synthetic cork with a wooden base on yellowish lined paper.
Sadly, I’ve spent a lot of time with you, one bad run after another.
Shorter than normal, you were the laughing stock of high school locker rooms. You were rarely in danger of getting injured during sports. You were less likely to induce choking. You looked cute and warm in your relaxed state, sort of smiley if you weren’t wearing a hat.
Look, we all make excuses to cover up the shame surrounding your real identity:
“There’s way more inside than outside.”
“He looks taller when his hair is cut very short.”
“The owner is good with his hands.”
“I’m good with my hands.”
“I was never really into them anyway.”
A fancy Beemer, a powerful job, the wining and dining: it’s all a charade. Nothing can properly compensate for your shortcomings and I wish we’d all stop trying to pretend it does.1
Gay men understand this completely. It’s why they post your close-ups, dimensions and styles on dating apps.
At the end of the day, or the middle of the day, or first thing in the morning, size DOES matter for both pleasure and satisfaction.2
That’s why some of us cut out the middle man and buy dishwasher-safe toys that are way bigger than you. Some of you are shorter than the corkscrew organ of a domestic duck!3
Image: white duck on rippling water.
Short Dick Man
Too big can also be a problem, believe me. Few women want their cervix slammed into like a transport versus brick wall.
Seriously. Duck dicks are shaped like corkscrews. What the flying fuck??? Think twice before Googling this, unless you really want to mess with your algorithm or see things you can’t unsee. 🦆